Every week I write and article for the Euro Weekly News, an English-speaking newspaper covering all the major resorts of Spain and the Balearics. You can pick up a copy on a Thursday ... or read it here every week. |
Thursday 25 January 2007
YIPPEE! From the amount of times I am described as 'delivering a tirade', I must now be the undisputed and irrefutable king of all the tirades. Well, to cement my claim to the title, here are a couple more. Yes, it's live letters time again! To be quite honest, as I have never used the term 'Paki' to infer a derogatory description of the people of Pakistan, I can only assume the gentleman from Mijas Costa, who wrote in last week, was confusing me with someone else. When he then accused me of presenting, 'offensive material in a society where we are all immigrants' and followed this gem by further stating that I found it 'amusing to string people up' I kind of lost track of the plot. I did, however, like the reference to Mr Kipling: small mercies! Not as much as Mrs Ed's 'damn with faint praise' I may add. Next! The second of last week's published correspondents was a reader from San Miguel de Salinas. No, sir, in response to your question, my EC comments were not tongue-in-cheek. It never ceases to amaze me how difficult people find it to perceive the long-term results of various actions and I truly believe the British standard of life will indeed nosedive before we witness the (unlikely) realisation of the great European dream of equality for all. As to your suggestion that I would do better to cover 'irritating minor criminal issues' I'm really not quite so sure I could raise any quantity of fervour and passion by ranting on about dropped fag ends, or those who traverse the lights on amber. 'Do you know I saw somebody today not wearing a seat belt?' Doesn't have quite the controversial impact as 'string 'em all up' or 'put down yer pets', now does it? Anyway keep 'em coming m'doves, but do try and stick to constructive criticism, por favor. Did I detect just a faint trace of drool issuing from the side of Victoria Beckham's mouth as she breezed into LA last week? Apparently, she has been planning their assault on America for weeks. What odd priorities these two must now have. Who to nurture as friends? Who to avoid? What will gain them maximum publicity? Where to be seen? Simply sorting out what to wear probably takes a month of meetings. Tom Cruise is apparently, according to David's opinion, 'a very intelligent man', so I daresay the Scientology faction are rubbing their hands, as these two diamond dripping, publicity-happy numb brains hover within their grasp. It has also been reported that the happy couple simply couldn't make up their minds what to wear at their big 'coming in' party (diddums), so they will in fact wear four separate outfits during the festivities. Can you imagine the colour coordinating, self-preening crap that comes with that particular decision? The time spent looking in the mirror alone will probably be the equivalent of a normal working week. Apparently, David has given Posh six months to become a showbiz success. Now why do I see tears, tantrums and twaddle as the outcome of that particular ultimatum? And what is she to become if she doesn't make it? A housewife? A social worker? Gimme a break. Personally, I'm glad to see the back of these two wastes of space that actually fit Oscar Wilde's description as 'knowing the price of everything and the value of nothing' just about perfectly. So, bon voyage you two. Just be a little careful that smog city and its temptations don't suck you in and spit you out in tiny, extremely expensive bubbles. Gone for another 'seven'. Keep a crinkle in the corners. Keep a glimmer in yer gum sprouts. And, whatever ya do, always keep the faith. Love Leapy |
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