Leapy Lee - chart topping singer of the 1960s and 70s

Every week I write and article for the Euro Weekly News, an English-speaking newspaper covering all the major resorts of Spain and the Balearics. You can pick up a copy on a Thursday ... or read it here every week.

Thursday 24 August 2006

This week I've decided to write 'light'. The problem is that when I write light, nobody writes - if you get my drift. Still as I've received so much mail over the last three or four weeks, a touch of respite won't exactly go adrift. You notice I do make this decision despite the fact that Iran has refused to curtail its nuclear programme, and is now in the process of testing long range rockets. Now you don't have to be a rocket scientist......... Sorry -sorry, I know I've promised.....

Mind you if you ever find yourself yearning for the old days, when the world was free of all the curses that modern technology can manifest, cast a mind back to the real dark days, an example of which I received this week from Mr Britt, who reads the column on line in the UK. The following I found to be a fascinating insight to our British ancestors who inhabited the planet around the 1500s - I quote.

'Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were beginning to pen a bit, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour. Hence the custom of carrying a bouquet when getting married'.

'Baths consisted of a big tub filled with water. The man of the house had the privilege of nice clean water, followed by all the other sons and men, then the women, and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty, you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the sayings 'don't throw the baby out with the bath water!'

'Houses had thatched roofs. Thick straw, piled high with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and falloff the roof. Hence the saying. 'It's raining cats and dogs'.

'The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying - 'Dirt poor'. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would start slipping outside. A piece of wood was then placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying, 'a threshold' (Wonderful stuff' ennet!)

'Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could 'bring home the bacon'. They would cut off a little to share with their guests and would all sit around and 'chew the fat'.

'Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or 'upper crust'.

'Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone waking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather round and eat and drink and wait to see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of 'holding a wake'.

'When the local village folk started running out of places to bury people, they would dig up coffins, take the bones to the bone- house and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, one out of 25 were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realised they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground where they would tie it to a bell. Some one would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell. Thus, someone could be 'saved by the bell' or was considered a 'dead ringer'. Unquote.

Now why couldn't my school history lessons have been as interesting as that? And what a change to receive something a little more cheerful in the mail. Bit of a toss up as to which age I would prefer to live in mind. Missiles or muck? That is indeed the question! Mind you the thought of the marital bed, on a humid and thundery summers night, with dogs and cats dropping down onto yer proverbials, coupled with the prevailing 'pen and ink' a week or so before your yearly bath ritual, does make one hesitate just a little as to whether or not deaths 'sting' may be a slightly more acceptable alternative!

And that's about it. Bit of a 'get' out this week mind, with most of the column made up of the jottings of another. Ah well there's nothing new under the sun and a bit of plagiarism never hurt anyone.

Make the most of what's left of the sunshine. Keep those emails coming, and whatever ya do - Always keep the faith

Love Leapy.

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