Every week I write and article for the Euro Weekly News, an English-speaking newspaper covering all the major resorts of Spain and the Balearics. You can pick up a copy on a Thursday ... or read it here every week. |
Thursday 24 January 2008
If you're all sitting comfortably, I'll begin. So, last week left us with a half dozen, sorely displeased young British holidaymakers, standing near the hotel pool and observing their towels floating in the water. Towels that appeared to have been thrown there by the Germans hotel guests, who now lay, taking in the rays - stretched out on their previously 'British towel reserved' sun beds. Now read on. Hardly believing their eyes at this apparent diabolical liberty, our intrepid squad of burning Brit's, barely suppressing their anger, retired to a corner and decided to await the last remaining member of their party (who they had somehow 'lost' the night before and was still in bed), to join them. Mumbling to each other, as to the terrible fate about to be wrought on the (still apparently unconcerned) reclining Germans, they awaited his appearance. Finally he staggered into view. Quickly drawing him aside they angrily blurted out the situation. 'So what are we gonna do about it' they hissed. Oddly their friend didn't quite appear to share there affronted enthusiasm. 'Well?' they repeated. 'Er' I'm afraid it's not quite like that', stammered the friend. 'Meaning what?' they all cried in disjointed unison. 'Well - actually', he went on, 'when I got back on my own somewhere around six this morning, I saw the towels on the beds, and, thinking they belonged to the Germans, chucked 'em all into the water!' Dugh! So there you have it folks, the revelation that ensured world war three was, for the time being, totally averted. (It didn't even get a mention!). No wonder the Germans were so nonchalant. They had arrived to stake their claims as usual, no doubt been a bit puzzled by all the towels floating in the water, probably berated the young hooligan's activities of the night before, and simply carried on as usual. I can only assume the lads then sheepishly fished out their towels, bid a hasty 'Dunkirk' and spent the rest of the day on the beach - I dunno, as one German friend once said to me after an unbelievable 'Leapy's law' event in Saudi - 'how did you ever win?' Got to laugh haven't you? Did you catch Tom Cruise finally losing it on TV and informing the world the only people that could do any good at the scene of a car accident were followers of Scientology? Well that's ok then Tom. Well simply sack all the Para medics, doctors, nurses and emergency services and replace em with a few scientologists! What a load of pure unadulterated clap trap. Many years ago I did actually stay for a few months in a boarding house owned by Scientologists. One day the whole family, quite out of the blue, invited me in to the 'parlor' and related a story about the time the son received a terrible gash on the knee from a violently struck cricket ball. Instead of taking him to hospital, they told me they brought him home, rung a number of their Scientologist friends and asked them all to meditate and pray the wound would heal. They went on to say, that after a while, the knee was enveloped in a kind of mist. When it finally cleared, lo and behold the wound was healed without a trace. To prove it the son rolled up his trouser leg and showed me his knee, which did indeed display no scars or injury whatsoever (oh really!). Obviously, on reflection they were trying to recruit me. Fortunately at 18years of age I had far more important things to think about (the fair sex and Rock n Roll to name but a few!) and never succumbed to their advances. It is however easy to see how rather more lost souls looking for direction could be sucked in to this potentially dangerous cult. As I mentioned before, the mind boggles as to how much brain washing Posh and Becks are receiving at this time. Two more perfect candidates for the picking are difficult to imagine - all that 'wonga' as well! And let's face it; both of em do look a bit 'alien like' don't they? I bet Hubbard's mob are drooling at the mouth! The only thing that does upset me a bit is that people often confuse the Spiritualist teachings with Scientology. Believe me something more further removed would be extremely difficult to imagine. In response to a number of your letters, next week I'll try and give a few examples of the Spiritualist way (I bet you can't wait!). No brainwashing I promise, although I am told on occasions my thinking could in fact do with a good rinse! See if I care. Have a gay week. Hold on to that twinkle, and whatever ya do- Always keep the faith Love Leapy |
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