Leapy Lee - chart topping singer of the 1960s and 70s

Every week I write and article for the Euro Weekly News, an English-speaking newspaper covering all the major resorts of Spain and the Balearics. You can pick up a copy on a Thursday ... or read it here every week.

Thursday 21 September 2006

Just when you think you've read or seen it all, up pops another humdinger which informs us all we really aint seen nothing yet. This weeks 'have we completely lost it' award must go to.... wait for it.... this is a real goody. The Stirling police, who arrested a man for 'racist revving'. Apparently the man revved his car up near a Muslim couple and made them feel 'scared, embarrassed and degraded'. The police subsequently threw the man in jail for two days. When he came up in court he was charged with causing distress by acting in a 'racially aggravated manner'. Thank the Lord common sense prevailed and the Stirling court dropped the raciest charge through lack of evidence. He was however fined 150 pounds on a secondary charge of causing a breach of the peace. I really don't think I've anything to add to this particular gem, the whole sad debacle rather speaks for itself don't you think? Talking of humdingers, did you catch the letter to Ms Ed last week? (I do find it rather odd that Ms Ed only seems to get letters 'knocking' me when 95% of the ones I receive are in support!) I digress. It turns out that Leapy Lee's column has been banned from two pubs in Benidorm. Yep you 'eard. The letter from a K.K. Karuna (somewhat unfortunate initials I venture) stated that they had stopped deliveries of the Euro to their two pubs in Benidorm because of the 'biased diatribes from angry people like Leapy Lee'. Well m'dears, I'm flattered. I have been recently banned from a local tapas bar for bashing the flat of my hand on the counter after experiencing that usual frustrating 'staff encounter' we all know and love! But banned from not one, but two bars - wow. I'm intrigued to know how this decision was reached. Was it put to a customer vote? Was there a true democratic 'ballot box' day? If so, how was the turn out? It's a brilliant idea for bringing the punters in. Certainly tops up yer quiz or pool night. I'm sure other enterprising bars could take up the idea. 'Don't forget folks next Tues is 'vote night' 'This week's decision, 'should we keep or ban the Euro?' Come early, normal bar prices. Give me a BREAK! Is that pathetic or what. K.K.K. also infers that I deliver biased diatribes on terrorism. Well of course I'm biased, firmly and uncompromisingly biased against the practices of these evil sub humans - isn't everyone? Nobody despises these people more than me and frankly K.K.K. if you don't agree with my views of being 100% against these people, then I can only assume........ Anyway it looks as though I will be over in Benidorm once again this winter. I would be delighted to make a personal appearance at one, or both of your establishments, and who knows, for a small fee I may even give your punters a bit of a warble up - or is that totally out of the question? What you say? 'Don't hold yer breath' Alright alright so what if your customers do go to a rival bar to collect their Euro, see if I care.

You notice I haven't mentioned the Pope this week. Just striving to be different that's all. Any way if I get started on that well be here all night. I think the placards were enough don't you. 'Behead all those who insult Islam' 'The evil dog of Rome must die' Or the Mujahedeen army website, which informed us in a reference to suicide bombers 'we 'swear to God we will send you people who adore death as much as you adore life' And there are still those who consider we are not at war! I seem to remember some geezer called Chamberlain who had similar naïve sentiments and look where that got us.

Can't help a quick reference here to our illustrious Ms Blair who 'playfully cuffed' a young student at a sports event. One of the event organisers reported the 'assault' to officials of the 'Child protection in sport unit'. SIX plain clothed police were then dispatched to investigate the accusation. By the time they had discovered nothing untoward had taken place at least 2000 pounds had been wasted on the inquiry. The irony of this situation is that, and I quote a police spokesman reaction. 'It is in fact the likes of Ms Blair and her fellow human rights lawyers that have created the conditions in which these kinds of pointless cases thrive' S'there Ms Blair, stew in yer own silly juices.. I'll finish with another 'beut', plagiarised from a national columnist, who I'm sure won't mind. It concerns the recent case of 'on the run' fugitive Barry Chambers who took refuge on a rooftop in Gloucester. From this vantage point he proceeded to throw bricks and tiles at the police. They then returned the compliment by supplying him with a Kentucky fried chicken take away, out of regard for his rights under the human rights act. I dunno. No wonder our enemies are laughing at us!

Try and keep mentally stable. Try not to slap anyone too hard on the back, and whatever ya do, always - Keep the faith

Love Leapy

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