Leapy Lee - chart topping singer of the 1960s and 70s

Every week I write and article for the Euro Weekly News, an English-speaking newspaper covering all the major resorts of Spain and the Balearics. You can pick up a copy on a Thursday ... or read it here every week.

Thursday 19 April 2007

You know how all this p c garbage is going to end up? The only way we'll be able to describe each other without fear of recrimination will be as an 'it'! As future pc pillocks gradually erode our sanity, all known descriptive words of our fellow beings will be consigned to the sin bin. Black, white, brown, yellow, old, fat, thin, tall, short, medium, and even male and female, all will have been erased from the language, and we will henceforth be referred to simply as an 'it'. Do I hear 'lunacy' echoed out there? Well I wouldn't be to sure. A few of those descriptions used at the wrong time could get yer collar felt already. We're already 'person people', not the most gigantic leap to being an 'it' I wouldn't you say? 'Course, should this come to pass, the whole language would be affected. Phrases like is that 'it'? for example, could be a reference to just about anyone at all. Is 'it' you? would become a superfluous nonsense. Oops I've done 'it' again, doesn't even bear thinking about and move 'it', anything from reorganizing staff to changing the positions of a football team!

Wot you say, you always knew I was a raving lunatic, now I just proven it? Well, if you cant beat 'em, simply join 'em that's what I say.

Enough of all that frivolity I will at this point come down to earth a bit and throw in my three penneth concerning the British/Iran hostage fiasco. Frankly, to my mind, comparing the modern day soldier to the stiff upper lip warriors of WW11 in particular is ludicrous. The prisoners of WW11 knew they were all in what was basically a fight to the death. Defeat was not an option The warriors of yore were fully aware that were they not victorious, their country and loved ones back home would be annihilated, leaving them no home to return to anyway. Patriotism was a way of life and death. And there was a bitter hatred for the enemy. These lads and lasses (never have agreed with gals being in the front line mind you!) fighting in the Middle East and Lord knows where else don't have a notion of what they're fighting for, and are generally somewhat confused as to who the enemy is as well. How could they know what it's all about when their highest officer, Herr Blair, along with his incompetent and dangerous henchmen have no idea either? They know their country will still be there when they return, all they want to do is get through it all unscathed, free, and back home as soon as possible, and who can blame them? I'm sure a national pride runs through our undoubtedly brave armed forces, but it can be nothing like the patriotism instilled into people who were fighting for their homeland to have any future at all. ( although if the truth be known that is exactly what this war is all about!). Our boys and girl troopers are also only too aware that a great deal of their fellow countrymen s opinions are against their involvement anyway, not the greatest incentive for, 'name rank and serial number', if you get my drift. No it's all gone wrong I'm afraid. Bring 'em all back I say. Re equip them. 'em a decent wage and let them be on hand to help sort out the country where it matters most, back home, where the front line really is.

And thats my threepenneth for another week.

Sorry to stagger to an end on such a low note. Lets just try again. Do - Ray - Me - Fa - So - la - Te - Do! There you are, finished on a high note after all!

Thank for yer e's.

Keep on keeping 'it'

Love Leapy

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