Leapy Lee - chart topping singer of the 1960s and 70s

Every week I write and article for the Euro Weekly News, an English-speaking newspaper covering all the major resorts of Spain and the Balearics. You can pick up a copy on a Thursday ... or read it here every week.

Thursday 14 September 2006

It has been said that the three most stressful things you can experience in life are, marriage, divorce and moving house (I would actually like to add multiple births to this list of human desperations!) Having done all four I can quite categorically state that moving house has to be at the top of the list.

Oft times divorced and married Zsa Zsa Gabor got it right when she was asked if she 'kept house?' 'Darlink', she replied, 'I alvays keep zee house'. Obviously this was because she was totally aware, that of the three experiences, having to move every time she exited the state of matrimony was by far the most mind grinding!

By now, you've probably gathered that we are - yes, you've guessed it - once more in the process of changing our abode. By the time you peruse this scribble, there is more than an even chance that yours truly has been committed indefinitely and all future missives submitted orally as I understand typing in a straight jacket does involve a number of setbacks! (Did I ever tell you of the time I was put in a straight jacket and thrown in a padded cell - no? It's in the book!). I digress. To make matters worse in the midst of it all I went down with a tummy infection, which all but laid me at the door of the local clinic. Luckily my self subscribed antibiotics finally kicked in and I was spared this added trauma, which would almost without doubt have destroyed my mental stability altogether. (Alright, alright!)

And the junk! The amount of flotsam and jetsam a family can accrue over a five year period simply defies the imagination. The only reason I haven't put it all in the local boot sale is because to do so I would need to take over the whole site! Even more stressful of course, is despite the fact that Pauline and I are both Cancerians, I want - nay, desperately need - to hold on to everything - whereas she wants to throw everything out. Now I know for a fact that the box of old unmarked videos that haven't been perused for 7 or 8 years could contain something vitally important to our future existence, and that carton of papers we've carried around since 1985, after the demise of my bar, will one day be required by some authority or another - why can't she understand these things? Anyway between her packing, and my unpacking her packing - if you get my drift, we're finally coming to the end of it. 'Never again' you here me emphatically cry. But then how often do you utter those words on the dreaded morning after the event! Anyway we're now finally ensconced, and just in time for the kiddiewinks to return to their places of learning, (I can hear the sighs of parental relief from here) If it wasn't for the fact that 'Uncle Juan's' book making factory had just extorted another 247 euros from me for the twins annual reading material, I would say my cup is almost beginning to spill over. Still I suppose it's a small price to pay for all that wonderful peace and quiet.

Altogether now - to dream the impossible dream.......

Here we go again (Didn't think I was going quietly this week did you!) Did you catch the report this week of the housewife who, after two years of abuse and having her house vandalised by a gang of teenage yobbo's finally, at the end of her tether, snapped and swore (wow!) at them? These young hoodlums had thrown paint at her and her neighbour's walls, ruined her plants, kicked footballs at her windows, breaking a number of them and abused and swore at her on the street. She had reported the incidents to the police who had, surprise surprise, done precisely nothing. In March the poor beleaguered woman finally and understandably snapped. No, she didn't lash out or shoot any of them, merely told them to go forth and multiply (or words to that effect!). She was totally ignored by these young miscreants and when some weeks later the police finally called at her home, heaved a sigh of relief at thinking something was finally going to be done - wrong! Unbelievably instead of seeing the outset of a little justice, she was informed that one of the gang (a 13 year old girl) had made a complaint about her and she was under arrest! I kid you not. In a situation almost beyond belief she was subsequently given an 80 pounds fixed penalty notice and, when she refused to pay, was taken to court where the magistrate upped it to 120, which she must pay or face a prison sentence. And do you know what the bumbling incompetent police authorities came out with when they were asked to comment on the situation? I quote. 'We appreciate antisocial behaviour can be frustrating but people should not take the law into their own hands' Unquote. Just a minute. Take the law into their own hands? Does this mean that the police should have come around and sworn at these individuals instead of her? Give me a break. This ridiculous attitude is exactly the reason so many of our young people are out of control. These young hoodlums are not stupid. Even with their often restricted intelligence they know that with the P C klutzes that seem to be all powerful these days, they can get away with murder. Even if they finally get taken to court the absolute worst they are likely to receive is a 'bound over' Bang a few of the little sods up, stick 'em in a bit of solitary on bread and water for a while, that's what I would do. I guarantee the juvenile crime rate would all but vanish overnight.

For Gods sake get a grip all you so called law enforcement bods out there. Your idiotic incompetent attitudes are nothing short of madness and it's the innocent that suffer in consequence. Human rights extend to all of us you know - not just the criminal fraternity!

Till the demise of the next 'seven' try to keep those fists and teeth unclenched and, although I know sometimes it can be hard. Always endeavour to keep the faith.

Love Leapy

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