Leapy Lee - chart topping singer of the 1960s and 70s

Every week I write and article for the Euro Weekly News, an English-speaking newspaper covering all the major resorts of Spain and the Balearics. You can pick up a copy on a Thursday ... or read it here every week.

Thursday 5 July 2007

There I was, struck in my usual 'column creating' weekly pose - i.e. head in hands, completely bereft of ideas and sobbing gently, when up popped my little pc man, informing me I 'had mail'. I know, I know, of course I am perfectly aware that the most successful enemy 'mole' in British history stepped aside this week, allowing his completely unelected cohort in crime to move into position. (Rather like Hitler moving over in deference to Goebbles) but I'm a bit fed up with writing about the whole traitorous bunch, so, in the light of nothing better, I checked out the mail. Suddenly there it was. All it involved was a little plagiarism and I had the whole problem sorted. With thanks to my informant Ian Morrison, the following is what I uncovered. It was an article from an edition of the London Independent, scribed by one of its columnists, a Mr Alexei Sayle and headed. 'The perfect columnist is an ex pat singer with a criminal record'....... Mr Sayle was waxing on about his, oft misguided, agreement with fellow columnist, and, I quote. 'Even believing some of their ranting right wing ideologues that seem only one column away from their brains exploding with a fuming hatred of humanity.' He then goes on. 'In order to wean myself off this excessive credulousness I've searched for somebody who writes a column in a newspaper who's views are so ridiculous that even I can't agree with them.' 'This is why I was always a fan George Best's column in the Mail on Sunday, I simply couldn't wait to find out what George's rambling drunken opinions were on the war in Chechnya and so on, but since he's gone I haven't found anyone to replace him'. 'Until now that is.'

'A few months ago, while holidaying in Spain I had to drive to a radio station in Mabella to record a TV voice over. While I was there I happened to pick up one of the English newspapers that serve the Costa Del Sol - The Euro Weekly News- in which I found a column that made my heart skip. It was written by a man called Leapy Lee, who had a hit in 1968 with a song called Little Arrows' and was later sent to prison following a fight in a pub which also involved an actor called Alan Lake (husband of fifties starlet Diana Dors) 'Yes, that's my idea of the perfect columnist, some ex pat singer with a criminal record and views tailor-made for his audience of drink sozzled, golf playing Costa Brits. Sure enough, Leapy didn't let me down. His column employs a folksy, jaunty style laced with references to his 'dear old Mum'and his idyllic Essex childhood to express his ludicrously reactionary views on Iran's possession of nuclear weapons asylum seekers to the UK, Jihad terrorists who are nothing more than 'dog droppings in the swimming pool of decent humanity' and the general state of the world

'As my dear old Mum would say, you can keep your Aaronovitches, your Melanie Phillipses and your Rees Moggs - its Leapy Lee for me'. Unquote.

Wow, don't ya just love it? Infamy at last. Thanks a bunch Senor Sayle. Ironically you have now become the main theme of the column that even you don't believe in, and furthermore allowed me to rejoin my 'drink sozzled', golf exhausted friends at the side of the swimming pool somewhat earlier than I had originally anticipated. By the way, how was the trip to Fleet St. today, bit wet was it? I dunno, all that traffic...... 'Pass the bubbly would you Harry'? 'We'll need a little fortification if we're taking the boat out again this afternoon.' 'Looks like it's gonna be another hot one.'....... !

Couldn't leave you this week without a reference to the absolutely incredible Kathmandu, or 'upside down' house in Magaluf.

This latest Mallorca attraction is an absolute must for both young and old alike (although strictly not for the faint hearted!) I've done it twice already and it's only been open two weeks. Whatever you do. Don't miss it.

Keep the faith

Love Leapy

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