Leapy Lee - chart topping singer of the 1960s and 70s

Every week I write and article for the Euro Weekly News, an English-speaking newspaper covering all the major resorts of Spain and the Balearics. You can pick up a copy on a Thursday ... or read it here every week.

Thursday 5 June 2008

I don't know about you but I personally am getting sick to death of all these brain numbing, so called talent shows that are now plaguing our TV screens like some rampant PC virus. No matter what time we tune in it appears there is simply no escaping the now, oh so familiar leering grins of the almost terminally overexposed Ant. and Dec., hysterical audiences that go into screaming raptures when some pimply faced youth or other happens to actually hit a note or balance a football on his nose and three judges whose knowledge of the variety theatre could be written on the back of a postage stamp.

Of course the whole thing is about money as per. The faceless millions who phone in to cast their votes must have the TV companies, BT and the producers, positively orgasmic with their ability to now print their own money. They don't even have to fork out any wages to the participants. All this coupled with the income from the sponsors must be forming mind boggling money mountains for the organisers of this tacky rubbish.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against making money - heaven forbid. It's simply that in their desperate greed to amass their fortunes, the standard of these so called programmes are now sinking to depths of Titanic proportions!

Put 99% of these so called 'acts' into the real cut throat world of professional entertainment and they'd all be paid off before you had a chance to chuck the first rotten tomato. In their desperation to retain the 'money flow' the so called judges have now realised that the only way they can be interesting is to be as nasty as possible and, somewhat akin to professional wrestlers, make us believe they don't even like each other.

Let's just run the three current so called experts credibility rating by us for a moment.

Piers Morgan. Failed newspaper editor desperately trying to re - invent himself as a TV personality. Knowledge of Show business? Zilch.

Amanda Holden. Claim to fame? Divorced from Les Dennis!!! Guest in the big brother house. Knowledge of show biz? Zilch!

Simon Cowel. Successful record producer. Knowledge of other aspects of the theatre? Zilch.

These three incompetents with their often inane comments, shatter dreams, give false hope to (some extremely vulnerable) people and will I'm convinced, one day be responsible for one of their victims taking their own life. Their overstuffed egos positively pulsate as they prepare to deliver the Nero thumbs up or down to some desperate unfortunate who is often selected to appear simply to be ridiculed anyway. To me the whole thing stinks and the sooner the idea is buried under its own heap of bulls..t the better. Some chance. No I'm afraid when greed power and ego's all hit pay dirt at the same time the perps will stop at nothing to make sure it pumps as much of its garbage content into our living rooms as possible. Ah well, come back Hughie Green all is forgiven.

Beware the yellow races. The tacky Chinese gift shops are now spreading all over Mallorca like an unstoppable rash. One of our local publications actually published a letter welcoming this advent, declaring it was great competition for local businesses.

Don't be fooled. Having witnessed their operation on the Peninsular I can tell Mallorca's unsuspecting that these people operate a closed shop policy. Their containers of mainly shoddy, cheapo items will only be obtainable in their own shops. They will only supply the outlets run by their own people, thereby creating a monopoly that, due to the fact their own products are creating by unbelievably cheap labour almost akin to slavery, cannot be competed with by the local retailers - thereby forcing them out of business in their droves.

To my mind the government or councils must introduce some kind of legislation which prevents them discriminating against non Chinese retailers and insists they sell to everyone. After all they are not even members of the EEC. And do we really want to encourage the prophesies of Nostradamus to attain fruitation on this green and pleasant Mallorcan land? I think not.

Great strides with the bar this week. Our extremely competent Gestor Juan has now convinced both Gesa and the water company we have all the necessary bits in place and can now look forword to the great amenity connection in the very near future. Ye'ess. I'll keep ya posted.

Have a great week. Don't get to wet!

Keep them corners curled.

And whatever ya do.

Always keep the faith

Love Leapy.

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