Leapy Lee - chart topping singer of the 1960s and 70s

Every week I write and article for the Euro Weekly News, an English-speaking newspaper covering all the major resorts of Spain and the Balearics. You can pick up a copy on a Thursday ... or read it here every week.

Thursday 5 April 2007

Ye Gods! Woe is me. It happened, it finally, actually happened. Yesterday, as I traveled into Benidorm by bus, someone got up and offered me a seat! Oh great maker off wrinkles and sagging, spare me for just a couple more years. I'll be good I promise. Live clean, get to bed early, stay off the drink. Only mention pleasant things in the column.......er well perhaps I'll just risk the odd wrinkle. To tell you the truth the whole episode has quite brought me down. My only small consolation is that the empty seat purveyor was quite young. All I need now is to hear someone refer to me as elderly and I'll probably throw in the towel all together. ( I can hear the cheers from here). Oh no I wont. Not while there's still even a smidgen of lead in the old pencil I wont. Onward and upward I say.

Talking of upward. Although living on the fifteenth piso of a high rise has it's drawbacks, one of the more pleasant aspects of such lofty isolation is the remarkable absence of the pesky crawlers and buzzers that blight the lives of those who reside somewhat closer to the old terra firma. So far I haven't seen one fly, ant, mozzie or cockroach. Not one of 'em seem to be able, or indeed feel the inclination, to scale such 'weathering' heights'. No small consolation for those prepared to spend a large part of their existence perched at the top of a stem of hollowed out concrete. Soon however my stint in Benidorm staggers to its welcome conclusion. Not that I haven't enjoyed my time here, apart from the illness that all but pole axed me. But, be it ever so humble, there really is no place like the old family abode and frankly I can't wait - Yeeeeees! It's also merely a land hugging two stories high, so even if it means suffering the stings and bites of a million outraged insects, so be it. At least the knees won't go every time I look out of the window.

Just a minute, here I am, halfway through this weeks blurb, and I haven't had a proper moan up yet. Not a lot to moan about this week, or rather there is, but frankly I've almost given up on all these posturing yellow bellied bull.....s that profess to be, or about to be, 'leading' the country. I find the mind numbing PR exercises going on around our two 'main contenders' quite pathetic. Brown trying to be sylph like and 'charming'. Cameron trying to be sylph like and 'green'. What lofty disdain these pontificating pillocks must hold for us all. Personally I'd prefer someone who looked like Quasimodo, provided he could put the country back on it's feet and instill a little pride into its beleaguered inhabitants. In truth I think it's blatantly obvious they're all running scared. Petrified of upsetting anyone who may cost them a few votes, and I don't think I need to go down that particular road at the moment.

Just as a final observation. If you have visited the old country recently, you could not have failed to notice that just about all private taxi hire companies are manned almost exclusively by ethnic minority's. As it happens, in certain areas, and I know this for an absolute fact, if you are not of ethnic descent, then you have no chance whatsoever of picking up a job in the taxi profession. I got to wondering about this odd phenomena, and then it came to me. In the event of internal conflict, and the subsequent break down of public services, two of the most crucial problems that arise, are the means of getting from one point to the next , and the ability to communicate with each other. What better solution to that problem could you have than a million taxi's, all connected by radio!

Keep the faith.
Love Leapy

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